I know I’m not the most beautiful girl, but I have a good heart.

I know I’m not the smartest one, but I’ll use creativity and improvise.

I know I’m not the funniest person, but I’ll find a way to make you laugh.

I know I’m not the best artist, but I’d spend all day trying to draw you.

I know I’m not the best guitarist, but I’d still write a song and sing to you.

I know I’m not the best at anything, but one thing I can promise is to do my best.

And I deserve someone who will do the same for me.

And so does everyone else.

Never settle for less.

If there were ever a reason for me being a lesbian, (whichthere’snotbecauseIcameoutthevagwantingvag), it would be this guy that I dated in high school as a cover up. 

The moral of this story is that boobs are cool.

Yes, you reading this. If you can, then that means you’re not blind, you can afford a computer, and you can actually read. You’re lucky as hell! I’m lucky as hell! Everyone has problems. Problems with their relationships, life, parents, body image, sexuality, school, friends, and everything else. No one is perfect. You are not perfect. I am not perfect. Celebs may be highly airbrushed, but they are also not perfect. Everyone should just be happy right now. As they are and with exactly what they have. Most people say “If I could just get/be able to/look like/etc. _____, then I would be happy.”, but why wait? Happiness is something you choose for yourself. It’s waking up everyday and saying “okay, here’s what sucked about yesterday, here’s how I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” If you’re feeling a fuck up, then you’re doing things right. You’re going out there and making mistakes. You’re actively living. You’re learning more and more about the person you really are. If you feel like you’ve crossed the line, then you can redraw it and try again. If you feel like no one loves you, then know that I do. Even if I don’t know you, know that people like me care about every.single.person and it kills us to know how hard some people have it. If you feel worthless, or like you’ve lost your way…Like you’re confused and you don’t know how in the hell you’re going to handle whatever situation it is that you’re in, just know that it isn’t permanent. Only you can change things though. You are not alone, and there are people out there that are going through exactly what you are whether you realize it or not. Talk to someone, it helps. Reach out to new people, it feels good. And try new things you’ve never done before. It is foolish to believe that anything in your life will change if you continue to do the same thing over and over again.

/begin rant

We hung out today and things just were not the same.

It was like in her world time has stood still and I was a completely different person.

Kind of odd. She picked up bad habits and kept some of the same. It all just made me happy to know that I was strong enough to speak up for myself. It’s a bit hard to swallow considering I was completely head over heels for this person at one point in time and now I just feel nothing. Most of the stuff she brought up I had completely forgotten about… 

I’m pretty sure that she wants me back now more than ever, but I just can not do that. I’ve already seen how she is and once things got back to what was routine it’d be the same old song and dance. I’m not for backtracking. I don’t think either of us would benefit from that anyways. It sounds cold to type it out, but it’s how I really feel about the situation. I’m truly happy that she has found someone else that she can actually be publicly happy with though. 

Strange, strange, strange.

I guess the moral of this whole deal is never settle for less or try to convince yourself that less is more just because it’s convenient because in the end it just becomes a major inconvenience for both parties involved and feelings will get hurt.

/end rant

It’s not something I can help.

It’s not something I can fight.

I tried to, but I was only lying to myself.

I didn’t choose it.

Why would someone choose to be gay?

It’s another reason for people to make hateful comments. It’s something that most people don’t understand. People have so many misconceptions about the subject in its entirety that it’s just sad. The majority of people that actually know of my sexuality always make the same comments. Usually it’s “I couldn’t tell when I first met you.” And why is it that they say this? Well, it’s because they have this mindset that when a girl is a lesbian they have to be all big and bulky, wear a dirty hat and a plaid shirt. (Which I’ll admit, most of the ones I’ve seen down here do fit that stereotype.) Or that they only like girls that look like guys, and I don’t fit into either of those. I like women because they’re emotional creatures and just beautiful to the core in my opinion. They’re capable of loving in ways that men simply can not. And I like girls that actually look, act, and dress like girls. A sense of fashion is highly attractive and most men lack that, but I digress. Another comment, and this mainly comes from guys that try to pick me up is, “Have you ever been with a guy? Slept with a guy? You don’t know what you’re missing. Get with me and it’ll all change and you’ll be straight.” 

Not how it works. I’ll be honest, I’ve had boyfriends in the past before I came to the realization that I was gay, but I never did go all the way. The desire just isn’t there. When guys make that comment I usually want to say, “Well how do you know that you’re straight? Have you ever slept with another man? No? Then how do you know.” Basically, if the thought repulses them like it does me, then they don’t actually have to try it to know it. They just know it and so do I. Another big argument is the whole religious factor. Now, while I claim no religious background, I do believe that there is a god and that he is one of great compassion and forgiveness. People personify God as this hateful person that has no mercy on beings that he created himself. Like people say that gays go to Hell and I don’t believe that at all. God made me the way I am. I was born as a girl that likes girls and I know that I wouldn’t go to Hell for that. You know, with people that killed other people and robbed banks and stuff? Then you see me sitting there beside them for loving someone? See how that makes absolutely no sense at all?

Exactly.

I believe that people are entitled to their own opinions on the subject, but realistically what does it matter? Obviously, people can’t tell that I’m gay just by looking at me and I really don’t flaunt it anymore than straight people do. So if someone asks me I’m honest, but usually I’m pretty don’t ask don’t tell unless it’s brought up because to me it’s personal. I respect the opinions of others, but some people are honestly just being closed minded. And if people don’t open their mind to new ideas and at least hear out the beliefs of others, then they stop evolving. They become set in their ways.

Just something to think about…

I wish that when I met people they would have a bubble over their heads that either reads

“I’m totally worth your time and I won’t fuck you over.”

Or

“You’re way better off without me.”

It’d make life a Hell of a lot easier…